Last Month
Staff Blogs
A tall man with a mustache walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender replies, “Sorry, we don’t serve drinks to folks with mustaches.” The man goes into the restroom, cuts off the lower half of his legs, and then drags himself back to the bar. Upon seeing him, the bartender asks, “Hey, aren’t you that guy from earlier?”
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I am a master of animals—able to make them do whatever I wish—and a slave only to the asylum guards.
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I’m as nervous as a long tail cat that about to sky dive for the first time.
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"Well, since I'm your boss, and you're a secretary, we'll be having sex soon enough."
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A man’s wife went to answer the phone. By the time she hung up, she was crying out loud. “What’s wrong?” asked the man. The wife explained that her mother’s car had been t-boned by a semi truck. As she put her coat on she continued, “She’s in Intensive Care and they don’t think she’s going to make it—we need to get over there.” After hearing this the man looked at his wife and said, “Well, that’s good news for me, I hate your mother.”
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If I’m holding a bottle in one hand and a bottle in the other, what do I have? Ninety-seven bottles of beer on the wall.
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What’s the difference between these two ducks? What two ducks? …You mean you don’t see them? …Wait …What was I talking about?
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"I'm a doctor, and I'll be taking advantage of both that fact, and the confidence that you're putting in me, to have sex with you. At first you'll resist, but not so much later on."
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How do you know if your wife is cheating on you? You find her in bed with another man and murder them both.
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Did you hear about the deaf woman down the street? She got into a horrible car accident.
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A geologist sits down on a park bench and notices the young boy next to him is studying an Earth Science textbook. The geologist says to the boy, “Did you know that each content’s name ends with the same letter it starts with?” The boy didn’t reply, as he found the geologist’s nudity unsettling.
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A superhero brought a recently rescued damsel out to dinner and then back to his secret layer. After giving her a tour, he courted her and they went to bed. A month later, he saw the woman again and she explained that she was pregnant. The hero responded by mauling her to death. The hero was actually a trained bear.
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When is it time to give up on a job? When you’ve been waiting with a shotgun under your boss’ desk for two days only to realize he’s out this week.
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A giant ant walks into a bar. The barkeep looks at him and says, “You look pretty down in the dumps ant.” The giant ant responds, “Day in and day out, I move heavy boulders around–it’s backbreaking. I hate my job.” The bartender holds back laughter as he says, “Maybe you should look at a career in ant-hropology.” The giant ant kills the barkeep with radioactive vision, then takes him back to the ant hill. The colony will feed well tonight.